Surgery, General Practice, Emergency Medicine, Obstetrics... how do you choose?

I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

I came into medicine wanting to be a GP. I love general practice. But I'm easily distracted, and have found over the past year that several other specialities have grabbed my eye. I loved A & E, and I've always had an interest in Obs & Gynae, and actually I didn't hate chest medicine as much as I expected. In fact, the only thing that I've always been certain on was that I didn't want to do surgery. (Well, apart from pathology, which for me wasn't even worth contemplating).

I did a day at the Bolton Breast Unit this week. It was part of my community placements that we've had to do, including pharmacy and podiatry and all sorts of fun things. My favourite so far had been the Bury Cancer Support Centre who were so pleased to have me there that they gave me a massage before I went home. Awesome. But, back to breasts. I had thought I'd be spending the day in new patient clinics, referrals from GP-land who had a newly-discovered lump that wanted triple investigation (clinical exam, imaging, biopsy). The clinic's good in that the radiologist reports on the image there and then so they usually get a result the same day. I spent the afternoon examining lumps and learnt very quickly how to decide what one is. I also got to see a nipple abcess, a condition directly linked to smoking. If the lung cancer won't put you off, that sure will!

But the morning I spent in theatre. Having decided very early on in my medical degree that I wouldn't enjoy surgery, I'd so far managed to avoid having to see any. I hated dissection and am terrified of cutting things. But I didn't really have much choice in the matter, they told me I was going into theatre and I couldn't really tell them the idea terrified me, so I went. The reg took me under his wing and taught me how to scrub up and don my gown and mask, and then I was handed retractors.

I spent 4hrs there. Mostly I was just holding skin flaps out the way and cutting stitches, but it was great. I saw mastectomies and a hernia repair (breast surgeons are specialised general surgeons, they can't promise just breasts). I loved it.

So now, after a day of being a breast surgeon, I've had to add surgery to my possible career list. I'll need to do a lot more work than I tend to do now, and perhaps deal with the fact that babies may have to come later than planned (a sentence I usually hate to hear from women), but it's possible. My consultant was impressed by me (not entirely sure how) and has suggested I work there in my F1 year and I'm really keen on the idea. I had planned to apply to Bolton anyway.

Generally, my head is a big mess of confusion at the moment. I hate not having a life plan. I've just put forward my SSC choices and they're a totally different set from those I chose 6 months ago. I really hope I decide soon what I want to be. And whether I want to intercalate. But that's another confused moan for another day.