She died.

It wasn't the first crash call I'd been to. Whilst on placement at a DGH I went with the crash team to the gastro ward and watched them pump a very jaundiced man full of adrenaline and needles, and defibrillate his heart. However, he regained a pulse. Albeit briefly (he was expected to 'go off' again soon, but the decision was made not to attempt resus for a second time). The patient was old. He was very ill, with metastatic cancer. Somehow, it was ok.

This time was different. I was working in A & E, and the paramedics brought her in, one of them doing compressions as they moved the trolley. She was rushed into our cubicle in resus, and I took over compressions. I've taught CPR for a while now, but it's the first time I've ever done it in real life. It feels different, and there's no reassuring click when you're in the right place. But the major difference is that she was so high off the floor. I'm used to being down on my knees, using my weight over the dummy. I'm only small, I was struggling to get enough force into it and it was exhausting. Luckily this gave me something to think about so I didn't think too much about her. I stepped back, they checked her rhythm; asystole. Bad. My clinical partner took over. I stepped back and watched my consultant stick a central line in. I heard the paramedics talking to us, telling us how her son had found her at home. My partner and I swapped a few more times, she was still in asystole, and then as I was continuing compressions and starting to realise that we were going to stop soon, that it was hopeless, they let in the patient's son and mother. It was heartbreaking. He was wailing, screaming, holding her hand beside me as I was thinking that I was doing it wrong and not able to reach and his Mum (same age as mine) was dying beneath me and he was younger than me...

She was 47. No previous illness, no family history, no warning. He just came back from Uni and found her on the floor.

47.

Her husband arrived as we stopped.

Her daughter was upstairs on the maternity ward, 37 weeks pregnant with twins, admitted to reduce her stress levels.

She was just 47.