Feedback

At the end of every attachment we do we're supposed to have a feedback meeting with our tutor, and they tick and sign our sheets. There's room for comments. Most of the time they bother to write a few words, and ask us how we feel we're doing. That's about it.

This time my tutor did it properly. Individual meetings, discussion of our strengths and weaknesses. I'm really glad he did. Its rare on our course to be told how well you're doing compared to everyone else, and getting one-on-one time is almost unheard of.

He was very complimentary. I don't think I've ever had anyone be so nice. He told me that he thinks I'd be a great GP before I even told him that's what I'm leaning towards. He said that if I were to become a GP he'd want me to be his, as my smile and positive professional persona would make him feel better just by being in the same room. He filled in my feedback form with the words 'outstanding student' at the top.

I didn't really know how to take it to be honest. I assumed he was just a gushy kind of guy, but having seen the face of a very intelligent colleague who came out just before me I don't think he was as nice to everyone. I don't really know how I managed to deserve it.

I did have a moment of over-analysing, and got upset by the fact that I never get told my knowledge is strong, only my caring side. I often think I feel more comfortable as a home carer than a medical student, although I couldn't live comfortably on the income! I'm too lazy to do the reading, I seem to think I'll absorb what I need to know by turning up to seminars and sticking needles in people occasionally. So far it's working, but I doubt I'll get away with it for much longer. I don't really want to if I'm honest. Yet I've not had that kick up the arse moment yet. I'd half hoped he'd tell me I'm a slacker and to pull my finger out. Now I just know I can slack off for longer. Sigh.

Then I thought maybe he'd analysed me and realised I'm insecure, and that's why he was so nice to me. I need reassurance more than most.

Then I thought that I should just stop thinking about it and take the compliment. On my Mum's advice. She was very proud!

All work and no play...

Why does everything pile up at once?

Not only do I have my OSCEs in 2 weeks time, all my added extras seem to have deadlines at the minute. I have so much on, and so little time. I had a fairly productive day today, in that I did a shift at work so I can afford to eat for another week, took back all my library books that have been gathering dust in the corner (this time before they cost me the earth in fines) and went into three banks in an attempt to sort out my finances. See, what with summer holidays so far away and no summer schools jobs this year I'm more than a little strapped for cash. I've maxed both my overdrafts (yes, that would be 3000 pounds) and haven't paid for my house deposit or my car repairs yet. My quote was 600 pounds. Joy of joys.

So I'm back to 15hr shifts and added extras here and there. Exactly what I need when everything else is mounting up.

I just don't see how I'm gonna fix this mess I've made.

Exam stress?

I have my end of year written exam this afternoon.

Since I didn't do so well in my A Levels, and consequently had a horrifically awful results day involving rejection, clearing, and eventually Manchester changing their mind a few days later, you'd expect me to be quite bothered by exams. I'm not. I'm far too laid back. I usually get mildly panicky for the few days before, but never enough to actually do too much revision. When we had semester tests in the pre-clinical years my friend and I did 3 15hr days revision before every test and passed comfortably. I'm lucky, I seem to manage it somehow.

My professor the other day made the huge error of telling us that the progress test (the exam I have in less than 4hrs time) is designed to be cram-proof. If I don't know it already, I won't know it. This relaxed me even more than normal, and made me feel much less guilty about the fact I had a holiday booked the weekend before a Monday exam.

I've been away the past 3 days with 6 other girls to a cottage in the middle of nowhere. With the beautiful weather, we spent most of the weekend in the garden, in and out the hot tub, with a glass of something sparkly in our hands. Any fluids I lost through sunbathing were quickly replaced by champagne, gin and cider. Lots of fun was had. The books came out for an hour on Saturday afternoon.

Yesterday we intended to get back in time to do some practise questions, learn some of the common topics. Unfortunately after a weekend of problems, my car finally gave in as we tried to leave, and whilst awaiting AA men and tow trucks we ended up back in the sunshine in a beer garden, accompanied by a few more beverages of the alcoholic variety. I finally got back to Manchester at bedtime, and couldn't make myself do any work.

This morning, revision has started. 5hrs before my exam. And an hour later, I'm writing this.

I only hope my confidence pays off, that the work I've done throughout the year will be enough. I enjoy medicine, I pick it up fairly quickly when I try. I just don't seem to do that often enough.